


The Road Trip AU No One Asked For

by Xalts



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Animal Death, Gen, It's kind of gory, None of the pairings are really the main focus, Please dont let these kids drive, Road Trips, theyre just established pairings lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-03
Updated: 2015-07-03
Packaged: 2018-04-07 11:40:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4262028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xalts/pseuds/Xalts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The gang have a road trip from Kyoto to Yokohama and home to Tokyo. Everything that could go wrong does go wrong.</p><p>This is the worst thing I've ever written.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Road Trip AU No One Asked For

**Kyoto - Otani**

They've just passed the station when Shinji realises how bad an idea this is.

Sure, a road trip from Kyoto to Yokohama and back home to Tokyo shouldn't be too much trouble. If he were alone. The badness in the idea came from his passengers.

Asuka had insisted on the middle seats, squeezing Hikari one side of her and Mari on the other. Touji was sat behind Hikari, with Kensuke in the other back seat. Kaworu was perched uncertainly on the passenger seat, peering out of the window at street signs and comparing them to the map he had spread out across the lap. And of course, Shinji had ended up driving.

The truth was, he didn't trust any of the others behind a wheel. _Especially_ not Asuka.

Touji yells that he's thirsty from the back seat. Shinji ignores him. They've only been in the car an hour so far. Hikari digs a water bottle out of her bag. Asuka makes a joke about Touji being thirsty in more than one way, which makes both him and Hikari blush.

Kaworu politely asks Shinji what Asuka means by that.

Shinji tells him to shut up and to open his window to pay for the toll road.

**Otani - Aoyama**

It turns out no one except Hikari remembered to bring drinks. They stop at a gas station and load up on snacks and refreshments. While the girls use the bathrooms, Shinji takes a quick selfie with the boys to send to Rei, who had replied to her invitation simply with the word "Sorry."

Kaworu starts ranting about the wonders of lilin technology. Shinji tells him to shut up before Touji and Kensuke get too curious. Kaworu doesn't get the hint and starts explaining in great detail how phone signals travel through the air. Shinji shoves a piece of beef jerky in his mouth to shut him up.

When they get moving again, Kaworu points out that they should have taken a different exit from the toll road and now they're going in the wrong direction.

Shinji blames Kaworu. Asuka blames Shinji. Kaworu, surprisingly, also blames Shinji. They pull into a side road so that Kaworu can adjust the route on his map.

He brought glittery gel pens to do so.

**Otani - Ryou**

They somehow manage to successfully maneuver through the maze of roads needed to get them back on path and change course to meet up with the expressway they're supposed to already be on.

Complaining about the heat (despite Shinji putting the air con on full) Asuka has stripped to her swimsuit. No one knows why she is wearing a swim suit. They weren't even planning on going swimming. Strangely - or so Shinji thinks - Shinji is the only one complaining.

Mari asks in a sly voice if Asuka's breasts are too distracting for him to drive.

Shinji shuts up and turns back around, his eyes fixed on the road. He doesn't respond to Kaworu's question about why he would find Asuka's breasts distracting.

He just wishes Touji would stop staring so obviously.

**Ryou - Kawagoe**

The expressway is long and uneventful, and thus most people in the car end up falling asleep before long. Mari is using Asuka's chest as a pillow. Touji is drooling in Hikari's hair. Kensuke is somehow laid across Touji's lap.

Even Kaworu, who never seems to sleep as long as Shinji thinks he needs to, has managed to nod off, his head vibrating uncomfortably against the window.

Shinji tries not to give in to temptation. He has to stay awake behind the wheel, no matter how dull and monotonous this stretch of road is. He has to...

**Kawagoe - Okazaki**

Shinji wakes up on Kaworu's lap. Rei is behind the wheel. No one knows how or when she got here. Shinji decides not to ask.

**Okazaki - Toyokawa**

They decide to stop for food. Rei disappears almost immediately, and Shinji has a feeling she will beat them home somehow. Asuka is huffy after Mari's naptime shenanigans ended up with her exposing her chest to the entire car, even if everyone was still asleep at the time, and has firmly re-donned her clothing. Kaworu has gel pen on his face.

It's not a big establishment, just a diner at a rest station, but they're famished. Each of them orders two or three meals. Shinji ends up paying, after everyone mysteriously loses track of their wallets.

Kaworu is oblivious to the in-joke and also gets out his wallet. Touji shoves it back in Kaworu's pocket and whispers rapidly in his ear. Kaworu listens intently for a couple of seconds and then turns to Shinji and loudly announces that he, too, has lost track of his wallet.

Shinji wonders what he did in his past lives to deserve friends like this.

**Toyokawa - Lake Hamamatsu**

After eating, Touji takes over the driving, with Kensuke as his navigator. Kaworu and Shinji relocate to the back seats. It's a little more private back here, Shinji thinks to himself. He doesn't feel embarrassed to hold Kaworu's hand until Mari turns around and takes several photos of them, passing her phone around to the rest of the car.

Touji shouts that they'd better not be doing anything "frisky" back there, which only serves to make Shinji turn an interesting shade of scarlet, while Kaworu gets out his phone and looks up the meaning of the word 'frisky' online.

By the time they reach what feels like a natural stopping point, Asuka is leaning over the front seat and yelling directions in Touji and Kensuke's ears, and they pull up by the shores of Lake Hamamatsu.

Asuka triumphantly strips down to her swimsuit again. Mari helps.

**Lake Hamamatsu - Shimada**

As the only person who didn't end up in the lake somehow, Hikari ends up driving next. Despite being prepared to swim, Asuka didn't think to bring towels and thus everyone is damp and sticky in the heat.

Kaworu is only wearing underwear, saying he prefers to air-dry. Shinji can't look directly at him. Shinji himself is completely soaked, having been thrown into the lake by several of his soon-to-be-ex-friends fully clothed.

Fully clothed, Shinji thinks, is better than completely naked, like Mari was. And Touji. And Kaworu, for a short while before Shinji yelled at him to put pants on.

Touji is taking his turn as navigator and, worryingly, keeps turning the map 90 degrees. Shinji starts praying to whichever gods he can remember the names of.

Hikari, who knows better than to take any chances with Touji, has subtly been using the GPS on her phone for the last 10 miles.

**Shimada - Fuji**

It's starting to get dark by now. Shinji had hoped they'd be back already, but dinner and swimming had eaten into their time. To make matters worse, Asuka has insisted on a turn behind the wheel.

Having permanantly moved to Hikari's GPS, the discarded map is now being drawn on by Kaworu, who is coating its surface with flowers and stars in as many glittery colours as he has gel pens. Shinji's issue with Asuka driving isn't anything to do with navigation, though. No, he's simply terrified of the idea of Asuka being in control of heavy machinery.

Sure, a car is nothing compared to an Eva, but at the end of the day, the right pilot could make both deadly.

Thus, Shinji double and triple checks his seatbelt, then everyone else's, then his own again, and finally turns to Kaworu to see that he doesn't even have his seatbelt on.

A harsh discussion about car safety takes place. Kaworu listens intently, absorbing as much information as possible. It's not helped by Asuka turning on the radio and cranking the volume up as far as she can, just to spite Shinji.

He decides not to say anything when she stalls on a turn. Nor when she pulls out too early and has to break fast to stop them crashing. Nor when she hits a deer, though that's less to do with him holding his tongue and more to do with the fact that he was vomiting out of the window at the time.

By the time he manages to yell at Asuka to pull over, she's turned the windscreen wipers on and is smearing deer blood across the front window.

**Fuji - Yokohama**

Shinji will get them home if it kills him. He feels like he's aged ten years in the last few hours. Kaworu, now thankfully dressed, is asleep across the back seat. With the lack of spaces to sit, Asuka has ended up on Mari's lap while Hikari and Touji try not to sit too closely.

Kensuke, as it happens, is an excellent navigator. Much better than Kaworu, and miles better than Touji. Shinji is confident he can make it home.

So confident that he barely breaks a sweat when they get pulled over.

It turns out Asuka's collision with wildlife had broken one of their headlights. Of course, Shinji is the one who will be getting a ticket, and Shinji is the one who will have to pay for it to be repaired, but by this point in the trip, Shinji no longer cares. Shinji will give his entire wallet and his right leg to just be home already.

Thankfully, _someone_ cares. Rei texts Shinji the details for a pair of motel rooms she has booked for them in Yokohama. Kensuke, in his infinite wisdom, is immediately on board for stopping the night, as is everyone else who is awake in the car (Asuka had dropped off in the last few minutes, her head lolling on Mari's shoulder).

Shinji regrets ever setting off on this road trip. Heck, Shinji regrets even making friends with these people. He'd rather be a lonely hedgehog than stuffed into a deer-guts-covered-car with the nightmare that is Asuka, the 'friends' who threw him into the lake and his boyfriend who sees no problem in putting his bare ass on a leather seat, because he's not the one who will have to get it dry-cleaned.

Each room only has two beds. Shinji makes a mental note of complaining about this to Rei at some point, but he's so exhausted by this point that he has no problem falling into Kaworu's arms for the night.

By the morning, Hikari is on the floor of their room. Shinji asks why she didn't stay with Asuka and Mari. Hikari says they were being too loud. Kaworu asks what they were doing that was so loud. Shinji forbids him from ever finding out.

**Yokohama - Tokyo**

Shinji doesn't remember how they got home, but Kensuke assures him it was an enjoyable trip. All Shinji wants is to fall into bed for the next week and to never, ever get into a car with more than two people at once.

Misato greets them outside the door to Shinji's apartment. Kensuke, Touji and Hikari leave immediately, Mari and Asuka disappear to Asuka's room with a lewd comment about picking up where they left off, and finally, Shinji and Kaworu are left in peace.

Kaworu, while unpacking his bag, comments that he left his phone charger in Kyoto, and they'll have to go back and get it.

Shinji kicks him out of the apartment.


End file.
